Jesus in My Life

Jesus in My Life

To me, Jesus has always been intimate because I associated him with maternal love, paternal guidance, and morality. I always had a kind of narrating thought-adjuster or observer in my mind—an element that scanned and analyzed my thinking to keep me aligned with moral choices and perspectives.

I did not really have faith, or believe in a stable way, until relatively recently. Religious institutions like the church, and Christianity at large, have historically been viciously bigoted toward gay men like myself. That inheritance made trust difficult.

But when I became destabilized by cognitive dissonance, selfless love and limerence, fear of evil, and rapid bipolar cycling at a former job, I suffered dissociation and a soul-loss delusion.

In that condition, Jesus and faith became symbols that helped me during my early process of integration and individuation.